Numerical Explorations

While I was in jail (May 8 to June 12 and October 17 to November 26, 2019 = 75 days), I did a lot of crying, swearing, and yelling. I was emotionally oscillating wildly since I did not understand why I was being held in jail essentially incommunicado. What held me together was saying the Pledge of Allegiance repeatedly using the racially charged words,  “under God”, my Crude music, cleaning the grate of my latrine, and my loud lectures on some military history as I remembered it. The words “under God” were not in the original Pledge. I am an agnostic, but I recognize and follow certain contemporary Christian and other religious traditions.  I have forgotten whether I was on my current medication of ABILIFY, hydroxyzine (generic Vistaril),  levothyroxine, and olanzapine (generic ZYPREXA) while in jail. The preceding list of drugs are just becoming very efficient at controlling my moods.

I was a very much a mood oscillating individual while on my 127 day junket to Pathways Center Second Season. I was easily moved by music and small kind gestures of the staff. The staff found that the best way to keep me relatively stable was to play music for me or look up historical events for me. The staffer who brought the musical toy for me to use two days also bought me a book about the “One Hundred Greatest Battles” or a similar title. I could not read it due to the size of the book’s printed font.

While I was incarcerated at Pathways Second Season from June 12, 2019 until October 17, 2019, a span of 127 days, many psychotic and strange events happened involving me. I will not give the whole list but here are a few:

1. A fellow inmate literally beat with a Bible multiple times. She was a former veterinarian specializing in large animals, especially horses. For some reason, my voice grated on her nerves and I reminded her of someone she was in a love/hate relationship.
2. A security guard whose name I will withhold or mentally redact poured a whole pitcher of ice water on me and he thought that was humorous and appropriate.
3. I was told that I had a mixed child via a sperm bank and a black birth mother. To my knowledge I have never been to a sperm bank and I certainly have not consented to give away my sperm in glass vessels. I met the genuinely nice young woman who made this declaration and I would not mind having her as long-lost child, but I think that was all psychological warfare.
4. Another inmate became overly attached to me and thought that by my talking to her we were having dates. I admired this individual greatly because of her dad. This inmate claimed that her dad was one of the Alpha Six which means he was supposedly one of the first six Navy members of the Underwater Demolition Team (UDT). The UDT is the direct ancestor of the Navy SEALS of today. According to this female her dad survived Tarawa, Iwo Jima, and Okinawa. If any of this is true, her dad is legendary and deserving of many medals of valor for his heroic and very dangerous lifeguard duty and demolition of beach landing obstacles. I am not able to verify this female’s war stories.

Once upon time, the period from about 1961 to 2013 sans a few years, I lived in a relatively large three-bedroom house with a den and living room. After the death of my father in 1993, I made the living room into a music room for my large Technics 5-1 surround sound stereo. Then in 2001 when I began playing the electric guitar again, I set up my Fender Deluxe Reverb Amplifier in the living room. Later in about 2007 or so I bought a Fender Twin Reverb Amplifier that has 85-watts and two nice Jensen speakers. I gave away my Fender Deluxe Reverb Amplifier, a Roland Boss effects console, and a relatively unused Fender custom shop Telecaster to James and Jennifer Emery’s children. I practiced almost daily from 2001 to 2010. I would rev up my twin amplifier and shake the wooden floors of my house. I love playing loud through a good amplifier with pedal effects. Anyway, when I was summarily sentenced to West Central Georgia Regional Hospital (part forensic old school asylum), I lost my house. I was sent to the bedlam in Columbus, GA via a probate court order initiated by my sisters.

When I finally got out of the nearly completely forensic hospital in February 2014, I was placed in a single bedroom studio apartment. Of course, I cannot practice guitar loudly, so I rarely turn on my twin reverb amplifier. I have a miniature amplifier, Roland Micro-Cube amp, that is more appropriate for apartment living.  I do not practice every day which is bad. Also, now I just turn on my twin reverb amp occasionally to keep the tubes and capacitors in working order.

Does anyone besides my old friend George Daniel have a place I could practice loudly?

We need to determine the mutation rate of the SARS-Covid-19 and the etiology of its mutation. Also, we need to determine all the mammals that can act as carriers of the virus. There have been reports of bats, cats, and dogs acting as vectors of the virus. We need at least one vaccine and then later a multi-valent vaccine. Work should continue discovering medications to treat Covid-19. We have not clearly elucidated all the symptoms of covid-19 and the symptoms appear to gender and age dependent.

I miss so much being called “old man” by someone I would like to have in my life and currently I am little lost without seeing and talking to her. I would just like to get to know her better now. She is very high in my pantheon of extraordinary females and heroes. Actually, she is a singular female by all accounts in my mind.

I know this all too well from personal experience. “Every junkie is like the setting sun”. Using the needle is a very quick way to die nowadays with all the fentanyl laced heroin being spread around. I hope all current junkies will find their way out the addiction quagmire. Methadone or Suboxone are better than street drugs and illegal prescription drugs. Perhaps even Narcotic Anonymous could be of some use in breaking the chains of addiction.

Here is my vision. A world without armed forces, police and corrections officers. That would mean Earth would be free of inpatient mental asylums, jails, and prisons. The road to such a future vision will be arduous to achieve but I layout a sketchy pathway below. We need to start this program as soon as possible.

One of the keys to attaining my future vision is to teach children and parents that all power is corrupting, and that gentle persuasion is optimal and find decent and reliable alternatives to corporal punishment. Also, it is my experience that a lot of bullies and control freaks find their way into wielding power over people in all the positions of civil and military authority. Well that is okay but let us identify all the bullies early in life and teach them much better coping and living skills.

Start educating children from birth and hopefully generate lifelong learners in the process. Teach parenting skills to children at exceedingly early ages and encourage males and females to avoid having children until the stage is set to create a family. These are incredibly difficult marching orders, but humanity is capable of dramatic and loftier heights of good and empathetic behavior.

Life is an ethical, legal, and moral minefield. Avoidance of many of these emotional traps is an arduous task. You need a lot of information about the individuals in your milieu to make sure you are not violating one or more of life’s rules.

I have been in primarily outpatient treatment with the Pathways Center Troup County Mental Health Outpatient Clinic since around 1989. After my last trip to Maryland in early January 2019, I was out of medicine, so I tried to setup an appointment with Pathways and failed to get help in a timely manner. I just immediately sought out an alternative mental health care provider. I found one local psychiatrist who is a medicate and forget sort of therapist. I went to him until I found myself in jail on May 8, 2019. Eventually, I was reconnected with Pathways Center.

I really love a lot of the staff of Pathways Center past and present. I will never forget that John Luken rescued from Georgia state mental asylums in Rome (two times) and Columbus (one time). Several of my many  psychiatrists at Pathways Center encouraged me to get my Master of Software Engineering and Doctor of Philosophy in Computer Science. My current mental health provider at Pathways locally is Lauren Hornsby, Nurse Practitioner, is a particularly good listener and has been a good guiding light for me in my pursuit of mental stability. My counselor is Michele (last name redacted) is also exceedingly kind and helpful to aid in chartering my course towards the end of my mental health tunnel.

However, I will admit I was angry at Pathways Center Outpatient Services for not helping to get out of the Troup County Jail and Second Season, but their hands were probably bound by law. I am happy with my current level of care and medication. If anything, I am loyal to the people who have earned my loyalty and the local Pathways Center Outpatient Clinic certainly deserves my respect and loyalty.

In the United States we have many ethical, legal, moral barriers and boundaries governing the behavior of citizens with respect to dating. A psychiatrist is ethically bound not to date a patient that is in her/his care. A professor and a teacher should not date a current student. A lawyer should not date a client. These are just a few of the ethical safeguards on the interactions between citizens. A medical doctor should not exchange opioid prescriptions for sex with a patient, which constitutes a violation of ethics and legalities. This is especially grievous if the prescribing physician is also married. A pastor or other church official should not have sexual relationships with a parishioner.

I met someone last year that I would like to at least date. As usual in my case there is an ethical dilemma standing in the way of my getting to know this individual better via at least corresponding using email and/or telephone calls or texting. So what, I guess I will have to just move on and find someone whose ethics I will not violate by correspondence with her.

First let us elucidate our definitions. A local confidential informant (CI) is also known by the derogatory title “snitch” and is not to be confused with a “whistle blower”. A CI is generally a criminal and/or a holder of current criminal charges.

A spy is typically a highly valuable human intelligence (HUMINT) operator recruited, trained, vetted and working directly for the Central Intelligence Agency.  A spy is generally not a double agent although this axiom of spy-craft is sometimes violated. A spy lives a highly dangerous life when operating overseas. If possible and this ideal, a spy needs to know a lot about culture of the country in which the spy is operating. The most valuable spy speaks multiple languages and is a world class traveler.

A confidential informant and spy live a double life and must be exceedingly cautious when sharing any information about their past and/or present lives. It is occasionally best to recruit an unmarried spy. Family allegiance sometimes supersedes loyalty to the United States and the family may present a clear and dangerous operational security risk. An optimal situation is too having a married couple who are both spies for the CIA.

The trust model for a CI and a HUMINT operator are vastly different in most cases and situations. The CI’s handler must be very skeptical of the CI’s verbal information and it is good to seek audio confirmation of CI data via wiring the CI and obtaining at least audio information if not video tapes. A spy’s information must be carefully evaluated and heavily analyzed by her/his station chief and possibly higher up the CIA chain of command and control.

I recently joined the online dating website ZOOSK as a paying member. I was also on Elite Singles as a nonpaying individual. I have experience with Match in the 1990s and early 2000s as a paying subscriber. My online dating experience has garnered me no new friends nor a date. I am hoping to change that pattern this time around.

When you are online you must take caution against cat fishers and other hackers. A cat fisher is a hacker that uses an innocent person’s pictures and perhaps biography to lure her/his fraud victims. Other companies and corporations just want your data to tailor their targeted unsolicited advertisements. Also, sometimes nefarious individuals get their jollies from trying to emotionally manipulate their potential dating website friends.